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rebeccmeisterSome mornings I wake up, and the enormosity of why I'm living in this place dawns on me, in one of those, "Now how did I get here?!" sorts of ways.
Trying to grasp the full extent of what I am doing here is overwhelming. On the one hand, perhaps I'm here with a single purpose, trying to develop a story about ants that fits into a greater story about the world around us. But if that's the case, my life is one-dimensional and even the food left sitting out on the counter for my lunch is subsumed into some alternate monstrosity. I've never been that skilled at the relentless pursuit of a single thing. I've always needed multiple channels to express my personhood. When I tell my alternate, real story, which skips around in its imperfect way, it reveals something different. I resist becoming completely consumed by my work, though indeed it alters me.
There's a certain bleakness to this lifestyle because its expectations are unrealistic. Some days, the only hope I have is the knowledge of an eventual ending of graduate school, whether for lack of funding or care, or for a sense of completion and accomplishment.
Trying to grasp the full extent of what I am doing here is overwhelming. On the one hand, perhaps I'm here with a single purpose, trying to develop a story about ants that fits into a greater story about the world around us. But if that's the case, my life is one-dimensional and even the food left sitting out on the counter for my lunch is subsumed into some alternate monstrosity. I've never been that skilled at the relentless pursuit of a single thing. I've always needed multiple channels to express my personhood. When I tell my alternate, real story, which skips around in its imperfect way, it reveals something different. I resist becoming completely consumed by my work, though indeed it alters me.
There's a certain bleakness to this lifestyle because its expectations are unrealistic. Some days, the only hope I have is the knowledge of an eventual ending of graduate school, whether for lack of funding or care, or for a sense of completion and accomplishment.
whelm
Date: 2007-10-09 06:25 pm (UTC)transitive verb
1 : to turn (as a dish or vessel) upside down usually to cover something : cover or engulf completely with usually disastrous effect 2 : to overcome in thought or feeling : overwhelm
transitive verb
1 : to turn (as a dish or vessel) upside down usually to cover something : cover or engulf completely with usually disastrous effect 2 : to overcome in thought or feeling : overwhelm <whelmed with a rush of joy — G. A. Wagner>
intransitive verb :
to pass or go over something so as to bury or submerge it
So basically, "whelmed" means the same thing as "overwhelmed". I note in particular the "usually disastrous effect."
Does this help to cheer you up? :-)
Re: whelm
Date: 2007-10-09 09:39 pm (UTC)Re: whelm
Date: 2007-10-10 02:31 am (UTC)