I am so tired of people right now. Grump grump grump.

[rebeccmeister]

A friend was just commenting on a different social media site about how all of their friends who were not previously inclined towards lives as solitary hermits (pre-Covid) seem to be going feral right now, and maybe that's a reasonably accurate description of what's happening in general this August?

I don't know.

I just know that right now it feels as though dealing with people is sucking all the time and energy out of me, leaving me anxious about all of the work I need to do that requires deep focus and concentration. I read it as a form of displacement behavior: they're anxious, so the coping mechanism being deployed is riling up other people until other, non-anxious people are anxious, too!

Just stop it, people. That's too much mental overhead and it's unproductive and unnecessary. I have enough of my own anxiety as it is and I really don't need yours, nor do I need to do your emotional labor for you.

...And by virtue of complaining about it here, I am now thinking this means I need to reestablish personal boundaries for myself.

It might be time to start closing my personal email account during the day.

I also need to figure out a way to put myself on a timer or something when it comes to text messages. I'm okay with people texting me if it's an emergency, but now I'm getting WAY too much braindump and concern-troll texting, such that I might just need to completely ignore my phone. For me, concern-troll texting is using things such as last night's interesting weather as an excuse to text me and ask me how I am doing.

Just, no.

Boundaries are really important.

Grump grump grump.

Here we go, Wednesday.

Comments

[moodyduck]

Excellent timing for what I just came across:
https://www.topherpayne.com/giving-tree

The ending of the Giving Tree, rewritten as The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries.

[rebeccmeister]

Ha! That was fun. Thank you.

[moodyduck]

One of the things I really miss about Mark was that we somehow came to the understanding that we could dump whatever negativity on each other and it wouldn't hurt our friendship...and therefore we could avoid dumping that negativity on anybody else. I don't know if I was the only person he did that with, but he was for me. I never had to worry about being "too much" as I do with pretty much everyone else in my life. Losing that while coping with losing him, then all the new stresses of 2020 on top of that, has been tough.

At least lockdown has given me more distance from a few people who deal with their stress by flinging it out to everyone around them. That helps.

[rebeccmeister]

Huh, interesting!

One of the big challenges for me in my relationship with S is that I think I tend to interpret some of the things he says as being more negative than he intends...and then over time I start feeling beat down by all the negativity.

Being able to be our authentic selves in a way where we can safely express both the good and the bad is so important. Life isn't all sunshine and roses, after all.

That makes me think about how I often still talk to a couple of dead people in my head a lot - my Dad especially but also others on occasion. My friend Okie when I want to complain about rowing-related things in my head, because I *know* he would have been a sympathetic listener (and also would have told me to just buck up sometimes).

[bluepapercup]

We are absolutely seeing this at the water district right now. We have several water quality issues going on at the same time (neither of which are our fault in the big picture) and the public is absolutely going apeshit on us. It's so obviously displacement and yet there's nothing to be done for it, as you can't say that to people who are in the process of displacing.

It's difficult going right now. The American Overculture is exquisitely unprepared for these times.

*loves on you*

[rebeccmeister]

Good point, about how you can't say it to the people in the process of displacing!

I'm grateful for a sympathetic and supportive audience here, that's for sure.

Love to you, too, in the midst of it all!

[thisnewday]

This is why God gave us bicycles and kayaks, lol...

[twoeleven]

Huh, I wouldn't have called that concern trolling, but if you've had enough of other people, yes, tune them out.

But have a cute sloth first. I was hoping to save the strong medicine until virtual classes began, but needs must. :)

[rebeccmeister]

D'awwwwwwww, it's adorable! And yes, 100% effective for now. Thank you.

[scrottie]

While boaty and I were still in the water, I felt like I was going feral, but in a perfectly okay way.

I read something (that I'm sure I couldn't find again) a long time ago about how people coping with loss will get (to paraphrase) pissy about seemingly irrelevant details as a dimension of the feeling of loss of *control* that comes with loss. Gosh, that my have been high school English. I did not appreciate the teacher I had there until much later and probably no where what she deserves. Context was crabby widowers.

[mallorys_camera]

I've noticed a lot of people going nuts, too, as the realization that life will not be going back to "normal" hits them.

I feel for them, I really do, but I try to avoid them. Because what reassurance can I possibly give?

[rebeccmeister]

Can't we just stare at them a little cross-eyed, and go, "Oh, you thought this wasn't permanent????"