Robots

[rebeccmeister]

The thing is, if someone thinks you're a robot, can you actually convince them otherwise?

Comments

[bluepapercup]

One of the things I eventually realized is that even the folks who phrased their conclusions about my not being human in admiring terms were generally setting up a dynamic in which they did not have to treat me with the kind of consideration they would give to their other friends, and yet they could put the responsibility for this difference in their behavior on me. ...and as it turns out, I'm a lot happier in relationships where there isn't some kind of underlying expectation that I should be apologetic for who I am.

You are wise, and there is wisdom and generous helping of truth in this statement. I agree, and have found something similar in my life, though at the opposite end of the spectrum - I've been told repeatedly in relationship that I was "too much" - too angry, too emotional, my feelings were too big and messy. "Too much" is dismissive in the same way as "you're a robot" or "you're a space alien" are. A way of keeping distance and driving the other person to terminate the connection, instead of owning up and acknowledging one's actual feelings and claiming them.

[tylik.livejournal.com]

Mine wasn't always, maybe not even usually about not showing feelings, it was about not having the right feelings. I mean, I certainly got a bunch of push back because I insisted on discussing things in a fairly rational manner even when I was really pissed off. But an awful lot was about what things I liked doing for fun, and really caring about my work, and... really, I think a whole section came down to the insecurities of the people I was interacting with. (And sometimes different tastes. Really a lot of people have tried really hard to get me to spend time watching television with them, and mostly I just don't want to. Even when the shows are good.) And then a lot of non-overlaps in emotional response.

Oh, and ethics. Ungh. Which has mostly just been heartbreaking.

[ivy]

Yeah, see below reply about emotional languages. I'm with you on this one. It sucks that being able to see that this is what's going on doesn't make it hurt less when it happens, though.