Emotional Washout
Jun. 28th, 2011 03:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rebeccmeisterI sort of knew that there would be a post-defense emotional washout, but it's interesting to experience it. I took yesterday off from most schoolwork, as I finished writing up and submitting the fire ant grant with the guy in Texas. Besides, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sytharin was around for the afternoon and I wanted to spend time with her. We mostly talked a lot about where we are in our lives, and our priorities and goals, and the places we've lived. I feel like I haven't had a ton of time to reflect on the topic, despite a strong need to do so. [It reminds me that I need to have a similar conversation with annikusrex one of these days.] After all, it looks like S and I will be moving to Texas in two months. I keep telling myself that, but I'm also shocked by it. I've been here, in Arizona, for eight years. I've grown roots.
As I told RAC, I moved here specifically for my career (or for my future career). It was a pretty big leap to make, and it took several years before I felt that I really came to know this place and felt happy living here. Uprooting and moving again is going to be hard, just because of the unfamiliarity of everything. On top of that, it's hard for me to say, "Yes, I am going to initiate this big move and upheaval for the sake of my career." Is that a good reason to go somewhere else and try to get reestablished? While it worked for Arizona, I still have mixed feelings about the very first move I made, going to Boston for college. I also feel a sense of responsibility to everyone else affected by the move - the friends that I will leave behind here, and most especially toscrottie, who will go with me to try this thing out. [I guess here I should remember when AKW's family moved to Arizona but then came back to Seattle 2 years later...so, no move is permanent]. He and I have talked a lot about where we want to live in the long-term, though, and are at least on a similar page about that. It's just so hard to know the future.
Anyway. That's one piece of the emotional washout. I've been working so hard on my dissertation and on that grant proposal that I've hardly had time to gather my thoughts. On the flipside, I'm relieved to be through the defense; while I still have a lot of work to finish, it's stuff that I have been dissatisfied with, so I'm happy to be back to working away on it. Especially because I can work on it *without* the guilt of such a huge, looming deadline that likes to declare, "Well, sure, you *could* have fun, but really you should be working."
sytharin was around for the afternoon and I wanted to spend time with her. We mostly talked a lot about where we are in our lives, and our priorities and goals, and the places we've lived. I feel like I haven't had a ton of time to reflect on the topic, despite a strong need to do so. [It reminds me that I need to have a similar conversation with annikusrex one of these days.] After all, it looks like S and I will be moving to Texas in two months. I keep telling myself that, but I'm also shocked by it. I've been here, in Arizona, for eight years. I've grown roots.As I told RAC, I moved here specifically for my career (or for my future career). It was a pretty big leap to make, and it took several years before I felt that I really came to know this place and felt happy living here. Uprooting and moving again is going to be hard, just because of the unfamiliarity of everything. On top of that, it's hard for me to say, "Yes, I am going to initiate this big move and upheaval for the sake of my career." Is that a good reason to go somewhere else and try to get reestablished? While it worked for Arizona, I still have mixed feelings about the very first move I made, going to Boston for college. I also feel a sense of responsibility to everyone else affected by the move - the friends that I will leave behind here, and most especially to
scrottie, who will go with me to try this thing out. [I guess here I should remember when AKW's family moved to Arizona but then came back to Seattle 2 years later...so, no move is permanent]. He and I have talked a lot about where we want to live in the long-term, though, and are at least on a similar page about that. It's just so hard to know the future.Anyway. That's one piece of the emotional washout. I've been working so hard on my dissertation and on that grant proposal that I've hardly had time to gather my thoughts. On the flipside, I'm relieved to be through the defense; while I still have a lot of work to finish, it's stuff that I have been dissatisfied with, so I'm happy to be back to working away on it. Especially because I can work on it *without* the guilt of such a huge, looming deadline that likes to declare, "Well, sure, you *could* have fun, but really you should be working."
Sure, moving is a pain...
Date: 2011-06-30 01:54 am (UTC)Anyway, I used to get antsy after living in one place for too long - so many other places to explore! - but now I just want to know where it is I'll be spending the rest of my life. I guess I'm getting old :)
Good luck with everything - I'm sure you'll do great wherever you end up.
do