It's hard not to be stressed out about this.

[rebeccmeister]

I don't think I have the final figures for how much money I will be receiving yet. Uncertainty is always the hardest. The things that frustrate me the most are these: I have spent the last five years being extremely careful with my limited funds, setting aside as much as I possibly could to work on repaying my student loans from the government and from my parents. I may have to eat into my meager savings to make this degree happen, putting me back where I was before, without any kind of safety cushion.

I've been working hard to earn this degree. I'm well on my way, but I am not done, and there's still a lot of work to be done over the next year. This requires the ability to concentrate, to tune out distractions.

The mechanisms controlling this part of my fate are almost entirely outside of my hands.

The silver lining is that I know there are people who are working hard to help me out. I have my own knowledge and skills, things I'll take with me wherever I go. I've got supportive friends and family. Somehow, I'll find a way. Somehow.

Comments

[trifold-flame.livejournal.com]

There seems to be a force in the universe that realizes when you have saved money, and delights in destroying that bulwark. But as pissed off as I get every time that happens, having the savings DID make the situation doable. You should be proud of yourself that you've done the groundwork over five years to make this situation more survivable. I really think we will be graduating together next May; I would bet you things will work out.

Also, I was thinking about your leaf nutrient enrichment problem. Have you thought of doing a quick and dirty solution and spraying the leaves and/or fungus with a chemical? Because I am sure you are right and it is difficult or impossible to get plants to selectively incorporate more phosphorous. An artificial suppliment would sure make things easy to quantitate.

[bluepapercup]

That is really hard. It's a lot of reality to deal with, but it sounds like you are meeting it with characteristic equanimity.

I'm really glad you have people who are helping you, and that you are supported. If I can help, let me know.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't know exactly what you have come up against, but your dad was telling me that it is probably the result of a University financial bind due to state budget woes: A systemic sickness all over the place right now. I suspect students and others associated with universities are feeling it everywhere: your sister's inability to get permanent employment status and your brother's difficulty securing a position. We have Ronald Reagan to thank for setting us on the course of erosion of financial stability of Universities, unmaintained levies in New Orleans, inadequate care for vulnerable citizens, etc... All this does't make your situation any easier. You are wise to take stock (the injustice is real), access all the support you can get, and find mutual support with peers attempting to do what you-all can to make meaningful lives in this screwed up mess. May your anger at injustice give you energy to bring about what change you can in your situation, and eventually in the bigger scheme of things. I am rooting for you.
~Mom