End-of-year State of the State

I haven't had all that much time to reflect on things recently, mostly because this trip has involved a lot of visiting with folks and running around to do things instead. Those are good, worthwhile activities that cannot be accomplished in the same fashion in Texas. Once I get back to Texas, my life will resume a number of familiar rhythms: lots of time spent with the crickets, some time spent with the rowers, some time spent trying to stay afloat with food and projects around the house. scrottie will be heading back to Phoenix, which will mean things around the house will be quiet and I will spend time with my own thoughts and on all sorts of social media sites instead. I'm backlogged on LiveJournal these days, of all things.

Today, I am updating my finances and thinking about the year ahead. I have a couple of financially-associated ambitions, including purchasing my own ergometer (finally!) and going to Italy in August to race in the World Masters Games. Seeing as today is the end of the year, it is also time to write the annual check to my parents, to repay them for supporting my undergraduate education. I've been paying them back, and also government-sponsored Sallie Mae loans for six years so far. Technically, one does not have to repay federal loans while one is still a student, but I began repayment as part of a New Year's resolution and because my mother wanted to know what my plans were for repayment to them. This past year, I've had the largest disposable income I've ever had in my life (which isn't saying all that much since health insurance and retirement are deducted out now), so I put about 10% of my income towards loan repayment, and am finally one-third of the way through it all. All of it is a balancing act; on the one hand, as scrottie says, I'd probably get bitter if I devoted every last penny to repayment at the expense of having any fun. On the other hand, I would feel guilty about cavorting around Europe if I wasn't simultaneously fulfilling my promise to my parents. So overall, 2013 will be time to devote more energy towards conscientiousness about my spending habits - a renewal of an old New Year's resolution from seven years ago.

There are so many things to consider when it comes to paying for one's education. My brother and sister both prudently opted to attend state schools, thus graduating without any debt. Part of me regrets my decision to continue my expensive education with an advanced degree instead of diving in to a career of some sort, especially as I watch friend after friend get married, settle down, and have children. Somehow, I cannot envision myself living that kind of life. At this particular point, I cannot imagine making an income that would ever allow me to buy a house (although some day I hope I might), and without that kind of financial stability, I cannot imagine how I would cope with the added financial burden of children. I don't know where I'll be living in two years, but more likely than not I'll be working on a second postdoc at that point. Some of this is simply a failure of imagination, and yet it isn't entirely that; I've also been pursuing a career and lifestyle that make those choices difficult.