Hard to be at home [cats]

[rebeccmeister]

I lost track of how many little habits were built around the presence of the cat, like: don't leave papers at the edges of tables so there's enough room for the cat to jump on the tables. Same for leaving things on the footstool/box thing she liked to perch on and that served as a step up to the side table in the dining room. Then there's her favorite radiator, where she liked to get pets and then reach out to attack if I stopped petting her. Plus the favorite spots where she would come and find me and curl up, either nearby or on me. The way she would greet me at the door when I got home every day (you might think cats aren't dogs, but they do care). The way she would intercalate herself between me and the computer, as if to hint where priorities should lie. Her insistence on evening Kitty Lap Time. Her ferocious love of her mouse on a wire. She stayed playful very close to the end.

I miss the subtle background noise of paws hitting the floor when landing.

I will most likely adopt another cat, maybe two, but not until January at the very earliest. There's no way to replicate Emma's origins, but I think the best way to honor her memory will be to adopt a cat in need of a home. I don't yet know what that will look like. Part of me wants to establish a vet closer to home before doing anything else, given how impossible that was for Emma.

Comments

[shalpacafarm]

<3

[altamira16]

The way you are writing about this cat is starting to remind me of the way Ursula K LeGuin wrote about her cats. I am not a person with pets, but the way she wrote made me want a cat.

[rebeccmeister]

Thank you for sharing this link to Ursula K LeGuin's writings about her cats. This is comforting.

Emma enriched my life, no question about it. Having pets isn't the best for everyone, but I have no regrets.

[graydon]

That's some excellently evocative writing.

I don't imagine there's any harm in waiting till you're feeling like you've got the emotional space.

[rebeccmeister]

I've been thinking about additional cats for the past 1.5 years, but wasn't up to negotiating with the landlord (who would probably say yes without much trouble anyway). I also didn't want to subject an elderly Emma to the stress of other cats.

I discovered in summer 2020 that it is rather difficult to secure the services of a veterinarian here, and that also gave me pause. That's how I wound up with a vet that's 14 miles away for Emma. There are veterinarians who are closer but they weren't taking new patients. Plus, I don't have great resources for pet-sitting or for bringing a pet with me while flying across the country this winter, so it seems foolish to get a pet right now. Better to wait until I have a longer uninterrupted period.

I think I'm actually going to start by working to forge a better relationship with the Mohawk-Hudson Humane Society. For starters, they run a pet food pantry and I now find myself with a lot of rather expensive, high-quality cat food that should go to animals that would benefit from it.

[graydon]

Human-powered-distance-vet is an immense pain to arrange, yeah.

Very best of luck with the Humane Society!

[bluepapercup]

if you have a a local Buy Nothing group (on Facebook) that's a GREAT place to offer speciality pet food.

[cmcmck]

Hugs

[mallorys_camera]

I will most likely adopt another cat, maybe two

At first, it feels disloyal, doesn't it?

But, you know, loyalty is one of those dog-like emotions.

Cats, being eminently practical creatures, are infinitely more fluid in their emotions.

By adopting another cat(s), you will be emulating a cat.

They won't fill the Emma-sized hole. They will create a new space.

[rebeccmeister]

It doesn't feel disloyal to me, actually. I was considering adopting additional cats before Emma died, but had to figure that would be really hard on her at her age. And I still think it honors her legacy, even though she doesn't know it.

She never enjoyed having other cats (or dogs) around, but she accepted that their presence wasn't her decision to make. She was happiest when there were multiple humans around.

[mallorys_camera]

Yah, my current feline companion is also happiest being a solo kitty.

My personal preference is two cats.

[threemeninaboat]

I saw you on the bird app yesterday and though of you alllll day :)

[rebeccmeister]

It was hard to escape the doomscrolling. I'm doing a bit better today, at least. Or maybe that's just because I have a grading deadline now.

[ivy]

I do that too, cats occupy space in our habits and thought patterns as well as, like, every cardboard box in the universe. I hope you find the right cat in need of a home.