Even in Kyoto

But still, I try so hard to save things, holding onto old photographs and letters and journals, perhaps with some vague hope that knowing where I come from will help me figure out where I'm going.

That's a great way to look at it. You're looking to the past, but for inspiration, not to long for things the way they were. Someone once said that "your whole life has been training for right now", and it would be silly to let that training leave you when you need it most. All the same, you are still looking forward, however tentatively, knowing full well that that's the way you're going.