New Phone Who Dis [smart-o-phones]

If nothing else, the new Identity Vampire phone is at least smaller than the Man Phone! Actually fits in my hand and whatnot.



What are people doing these days by way of superstitious phone coverings to reduce the levels of goobering and scratching? Apparently this is something I should put some thought into, as I seem to have done a good job of adding microscratches to the Man Phone recently.

So far I am most unimpressed by how the Identity Vampire redirected me to the "Health" app when I tried to set up my Grandma Bedtime alarm. Some of us don't actually want a fitbit tracking our every move and reporting back our biometrics to the mothership, thankyouverymuch! I was able to finally figure that bit out after some additional swiping and jabbing, but still.

I'm going to be super annoyed if this thing continually tries to cajole me into activating the face and voice recognition software.

I am also now back to Dongle Life again. I see that this thing has a single "tongue depressor" port, and understand that one can obtain a headphone jack dongle for it. It would be most hilarious and satisfying to use my ancient Samsung headphones with IV. I also wonder about a charging cable that's USB-A compatible.

And yes, I have no one to blame for this other than myself...