![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Dealing with disappointment [rowing]
Oct. 6th, 2016 09:50 amWhen I got to the boathouse this morning, I noticed that a small ad for that wooden Pocock single was no longer posted. The owner happened to show up right as I was getting off the water (in his flashy red sportscar), so I asked and learned that he'd sold it to some guy down in Redwood City who wanted it for his son.
I've had no way of knowing whether I could provide that Pocock with a good, long-term home, but I was still disappointed to learn that it had been sold. The whole situation brought to the forefront a lot of emotions surrounding what it's like to be a "have-not" hanging out around the "haves," and how hard it is to be constantly on the move. A part of me would love to have been able to say, "Yes, I'll buy it, and I can move it around conveniently with my car and store it in a good place at the house that I own and where I'll be living for years to come."
But I don't own a car. I don't own a house. I don't know when or if I will own a car, and I struggle with the fact that I'm so often beholden to other rowers because I cannot transport equipment anywhere.
On the other hand, these things are true of my current circumstances for a series of good reasons that are important to me. My research is important to me, even when it sends me on terrible emotional roller-coasters and causes me to move all over the country. Trying to maintain a low-impact lifestyle is also important and makes me reluctant to engage in too much long-distance air travel to get to and from regattas.
And really, I should focus on taking care of a bunch of other things, so that if the right situation arises, I'll have more time, energy, and enthusiasm to devote to the aspects of boat ownership that take work.
And maybe I should just go ahead and get some other (cheaper, easier to care for) rowing accessories for myself in the meantime, heh.
I've had no way of knowing whether I could provide that Pocock with a good, long-term home, but I was still disappointed to learn that it had been sold. The whole situation brought to the forefront a lot of emotions surrounding what it's like to be a "have-not" hanging out around the "haves," and how hard it is to be constantly on the move. A part of me would love to have been able to say, "Yes, I'll buy it, and I can move it around conveniently with my car and store it in a good place at the house that I own and where I'll be living for years to come."
But I don't own a car. I don't own a house. I don't know when or if I will own a car, and I struggle with the fact that I'm so often beholden to other rowers because I cannot transport equipment anywhere.
On the other hand, these things are true of my current circumstances for a series of good reasons that are important to me. My research is important to me, even when it sends me on terrible emotional roller-coasters and causes me to move all over the country. Trying to maintain a low-impact lifestyle is also important and makes me reluctant to engage in too much long-distance air travel to get to and from regattas.
And really, I should focus on taking care of a bunch of other things, so that if the right situation arises, I'll have more time, energy, and enthusiasm to devote to the aspects of boat ownership that take work.
And maybe I should just go ahead and get some other (cheaper, easier to care for) rowing accessories for myself in the meantime, heh.
