Dreams and Visions

Yesterday, talking with trywhy got me to thinking about dreams--not the subconscious variety, but the Martin Luther King, Jr. "I have a dream" sort.

On days when I struggle to stay motivated in school, I start to wonder about and doubt the purpose of my research. In the grander scheme, I try to remain stubbornly optimistic that there's a societal benefit to it, whether through the stories that I tell others about the ants or directly through new insight into the world around us. But periodically I pause and peer out of the ivory tower and wish to wade around more directly in the murk of an expansive world, one full of books and music and war and Utopian ideals.

There are days when I worry that my generation is lost, aimless and confused. Then there are times when I have greater hope for the ways we relate to each other and the world.

I find it hard to be disingenuous, which is a good thing, really. But when things feel purposeless, I cannot act with purpose and I must pause to reflect and reconsider. Without dreams, the world is cold and calculating, changeless. With dreams, I think, there's hope for the future, there's tension and desire and beauty.

Community factors into this--finding others with dreams and supporting each other through the more difficult moments. I must remember to allow for such things.

Meanwhile, I must grade papers and write other papers and gather data and ascertain its meaning.

Palm tree/gray skies

Dear clouds,

Please come and cover up the rest of the blue and drop water on us. Our souls are dried-out and thirsty.

-

Dear parade-watchers,

Thank you, and thank you veterans, for although I do not agree with your methods, I appreciate your ideals and your sacrifices.

*headdesk*

I hate grading when my students just don't seem to understand or care about the material. I think the problem is the time of the semester, but they're still confusing hypotheses and predictions, and are trying to prove things with the scientific method. Oh, and they can't do math, which doesn't bode well for this nation's future. Nor can they design experiments.

They are going to have a hard time with the lab final, and I absolutely refuse to coddle them through it.

This seriously makes me feel like a failure as a teacher, but I suspect that it has a lot to do with the fact that the assignment was due the day after they had an exam in lecture. Please, o students, learn to plan ahead. And please oh please get help if something's unclear.

Also, new layout.

I messed around with my blog's layout. I'm not entirely happy with the new layout, as it's a bit more cluttered and annoying to navigate, but I like the header and the color scheme and the main navigation link layout. The font also leaves something to be desired, but after messing around just a little bit I'm not clear on how I could change the layout and font easily.

Meh. I'm sure I'll do some other switcharoos as soon as I get too frustrated to grade anymore.

The volume of posts is inversely proportional to my motivation

'nuff said.

I did a mediocre amount of work today. Quantities don't really count one way or another, but for some reason I still care enough to try to keep track of it. The horrific grading is finished, at least. And I figured out that my final exam is going to be themed around global warming. My students may or may not appreciate this because they're still going to have to think and demonstrate knowledge of stuff (shocking, I know). But I'm hoping to make this exam into an interesting culminating intellectual experience in the least, drawing on all of the subjects they've learned about this semester and their ability to apply the scientific method.

Oh, this means I can get REAL work done this week. Hurrah.

( blah blah blah dissertation-sauce )