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Panic, Chaos, Mayhem
Nov. 4th, 2007 05:20 pmI'm working on writing a presentation for tomorrow about my dissertation research/proposal, and keep on hitting that slightly panicked state where I'm plagued utterly with doubt.
It will get done and I will get through it, and head towards the next shipwreck, a committee meeting at the end of November which is causing great anxiety. I just have to keep reminding myself that if it were easy, everyone would have a Ph.D. I also have to hope that I will survive with some shred of my ego yet intact.
All of this is complicated by unnecessary political machinations--as was pointed out to me, the mere fact that I'm aware of such machinations is a bad sign. (this is necessarily vague) Again, the most I can hope for is to emerge with a still-healthy perspective on life, and without too much entanglement.
Really, I just hope I feel better about this whole business at some point, instead of feeling like I have to be constantly on the defensive. One cannot accomplish true creative work from a defensive stance.
It will get done and I will get through it, and head towards the next shipwreck, a committee meeting at the end of November which is causing great anxiety. I just have to keep reminding myself that if it were easy, everyone would have a Ph.D. I also have to hope that I will survive with some shred of my ego yet intact.
All of this is complicated by unnecessary political machinations--as was pointed out to me, the mere fact that I'm aware of such machinations is a bad sign. (this is necessarily vague) Again, the most I can hope for is to emerge with a still-healthy perspective on life, and without too much entanglement.
Really, I just hope I feel better about this whole business at some point, instead of feeling like I have to be constantly on the defensive. One cannot accomplish true creative work from a defensive stance.
