I think thewronghands is really articulating it well, in terms of different people using different emotional languages. I don't know how or if those languages can be reconciled. With S, on more than one occasion, I expressed my desire to commit to the relationship, and I think in the cases where there's that kind of mismatch it takes a lot of communication and renewal of the commitment to work on things and make them work, to the extent that any relationship ever works. I also think it's a point where community support can be crucial; something that's absent in long-distance relationships.

I am thinking I might want to read that book you wrote about a week or two ago, on sociopaths. It seems related somehow.