Day 11: Ups and downs

At times, I hardly feel sick, but when I look at myself in the mirror I see dark circles under my eyes even though I've slept as much as I possibly can. For the past two days, I've gone in to school for a few hours just for the relief of being able to do something and feeling like I'm making progress. School itself isn't too bad, but the ten-minute walk there and home is draining.

Remembering Zachary

In some ways, it's hard to believe that two years have passed. I think of Zack almost every single day--his courage and insight give me inspiration to live my own honest life.

This year, as my father and I rode our bicycles across the rivers between Seattle and Portland, I thought of the source of all of the rivers: most were glacier-fed from the different faces of Mt. Rainier. There's some comfort in thinking that those rivers connect back to the body of my cousin--just as I think of him as part of the mountain now, I like to think of the mountain's connection to the ocean and the larger world. Regardless of the speed, when we die our bodies become part of the earth again, and we are reminded that, as with all things, we are connected.

When I am well, I want to...

I'm starting to write that list in my head, the list of things I want to do once I am well enough to travel under my own steam. Most things are small matters, really. Ride my bicycle. Go to a plant nursery and poke around. Just go anywhere, period. Garden. Drink coffee. Visit the library. I'm want to go hop on a bus just because I can.

Instead, I flop around and ignore my half-finished projects--most require leaving the house, which is not an option right now.

As soon as I am better, the fall semester will have started and will usurp my time.